LEGO Star Wars: Dexter's Diner
by Balin Lord of Moria
Summary: What sorts of things go on in Dexter's Diner in-between chapters, not to mention during Free Play? Fun, excitement, bonding, and humor, that what. That's what it's all about. Includes a few characters not in the original game.
1. Introduction: Main Diner

**A/N: **This fan fiction also includes a few characters from other _LEGO Star Wars_ games and products in addition to all those from _LEGO Star Wars: The Video Game_.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything that has the label _LEGO Star Wars_ on it, including any of the video games. They're the property of Lucasfilm.

* * *

_**Introduction: Main Diner**_

* * *

Another day, another day of good service in Dexter's Diner. Dexter Jettster himself looked around the main (and smallest) eating room in his diner. At one table sat Princess Leia and a Rebel Trooper, enjoying a meal of Opee Sea Killer fillet with muja fruit juice. Flo, the WA-7 waitress droid Dexter employed, wheeled around, ready to serve anyone who needed service.

"Isn't this supposed to be the home of the prequel characters who precede our own adventures?" the Rebel Trooper asked Leia.

"Yes, it is," said Leia, "Nice place, isn't it?"

"Yeah," said the Rebel, "But what are we doing here, anyway? I thought our level hub was the Mos Eisley Cantina, not Dexter's Diner."

"It is, basically," said Leia, "But this prequel game has a bonus level showcasing the very beginning of the first original movie, and you and I are two of the characters in it."

"Well, great," the Rebel said, "But who are the others, may I ask?"

A Force grip lifted the Rebel Trooper out of his seat and held him in the air, choking him. Two men, one in black and one in white, stood near the table. The man in black was doing the choking.

"I am, you clumsy, stupid fool," he intoned in a deep, semi-electronic voice. "Trooper," he said to the man in white armor, "he's all yours."

The Sith Lord dropped the Rebel Trooper, and the Stormtrooper blasted him to pieces.

"Darth Vader!" yelled Leia, "Only you could be so bold!"

"Your Rebel Alliance must be crushed, traitor," Vader said.

The Rebel Trooper rushed back inside the diner and shot the Stormtrooper to pieces. "Now let's see who's more tough, Vader's troops, or the Princess Leia's!" he shouted.

"Hey!" yelled Dexter, "I told you people, no blasters, lightsabers, Force killings, or any other violence in my place! Take it out into the parking lot if you have to!"

"Uh, sure, Dexter," said the Rebel Trooper. "Hurry it up, snowman! I haven't got all day!"

"Oh, if only I had backup to call in a situation like this!" the Stormtrooper muttered as he followed the Rebel outside.

"That just leaves it you and I, your highness," Vader said menacingly to Leia.

"I'm not afraid of you, Vader," Leia said confidently. Then she pushed him away from her with more force than she thought she possessed, knocking him out for a few seconds, and ran to Dexter's counter. "Dexter, quick! Sell me one of those silly blasters you provide as extras here!"

"Coming right up, Princess," said Dexter cheerfully, and pulled out a big, silly blaster that Dexter provided for anyone with the right amount of LEGO studs to afford it.

Leia paid for it and said, "Thank you, Dexter." Then she fired at the recovering Vader and struck him silly. Dexter had a policy that silly blasters were always all right to use in the diner because they were harmless, though he still preferred them to be used outside, like all other weapons.

"Come and get me, you Sith scoundrel!" she taunted him, running out the door to the parking lot, almost tripping over a useless PK Droid on the way.

"Don't forget to finish your meal and pay your bill, Princess!" Dexter shouted after her.

"Don't worry, I won't," said Leia.

Vader drew his lightsaber and gave chase. "Enemies of the Empire must be eliminated!" he growled, almost swiping off Dexter's head as he passed his counter. He ran out the door and went outside.

Dexter looked at the near-mayhem that took place in his diner, and then out the doors that led to the parking lot. He could hear the sounds of blaster bolts and lightsabers out there. "Damn," he said, "I hope my other customers are getting along better than they are."


	2. Episode I: The Phantom Menace

_**Episode I: The Phantom Menace**_

* * *

The brightly lit diner chamber called "Episode I: The Phantom Menace" that split off from the diner's main room was a nice, quaint place for the people who frequented it.

Qui-Gon Jinn sat at one of the tables near the "Negotiations" chapter with his Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi. It had taken Qui-Gon a little bit of time to tell apart the three Obi-Wan Kenobi's that frequented the diner, but he finally got the hang of it when he figured out that the Padawan had short hair and a braid, the knight from Episode II had long hair and a beard, and the Master from Episode III had short hair and a beard.

"I always said you are a much wiser man than I am, Obi-Wan," said Qui-Gon, "But sometimes, when I look at you as an older person in another part of this diner, I wonder if you're a little _too much_ wiser for our own good."

"Well, that's because I _am_ wise, Master," said Obi-Wan proudly, "I _have_ to be, if I'm going to live up to the image of my older self, and _his_ older self, too, as well as Old Ben Kenobi."

"Now, Obi-Wan," chided Qui-Gon, "Don't get too far into the future. Like I've told you many times before, concentrate on the here and now, where you belong."

"Yes Master, I apologize," said Obi-Wan, "Say, Master, how do you think this diner would be like if those Trade Federation types were here with us?"

"I don't think we need to worry about that," said Qui-Gon, "The Federation types were not constructed the same way we were."

"Oh, really?" a deep, slimy voice said near their table. They looked up.

"Nute Gunray?!" exclaimed Obi-Wan, "You aren't supposed to be here! You're in another game!"

"Haven't you ever heard of _crossing over?_" Gunray said, "Besides, I belong in The Phantom Menace as much as I do in The Clone Wars. Now, TC-14, see to it that they are well taken care of while I prepare my droids for an assault!"

"Yes, Master Gunray," said the feminine voice of TC-14, a silver protocol droid commonly used among the Neimoidians of the Trade Federation. "I apologize for interrupting your drinks, good sirs," she said to the Jedi, "but you must come with me at once." She led the two Jedi over to another of the doors that led to a chapter in Episode I. Obi-Wan was still a little confused, but Qui-Gon was ready for anything.

Suddenly, from out of the doors marked "Invasion of Naboo," "Escape From Naboo," and "Retake Theed Palace," several Battle Droids tromped towards the Jedi, barking "roger, roger" enthusiastically all the way. There were several ordinary Battle Droids, a Battle Droid Commander, and two Security Battle Droids.

"Step aside, TC-14," ordered Gunray, "Droids, open fire!"

The droids shot their blasters at the Jedi, but they were no match for the mighty Force-using swordsmen. Every Battle Droid was chopped to pieces in just a few strikes of their blades.

"No! This can't be!" screamed Gunray, and he ran off crying like the coward he was.

"Good work, Obi-Wan," said Qui-Gon, "Although your concentration still needs a little improvement. It doesn't bode well to be confused just before a surprise ambush."

"Yes Master," Obi-Wan bowed.

"Qui-Gon, sir, that was awesome!" shouted a little boy in podracer's clothes from Tatooine. He jumped down from his seat at his table to congratulate Qui-Gon and his Padawan personally.

"Thank you, Anakin," Qui-Gon said modestly, "but I was only protecting you and the others in this diner from danger. Besides, the Force has not yet told me the time has come for me to die, so it is only logical that I defend myself."

"I felt pretty much the same way," said Obi-Wan hastily.

"Oh, wow! I loves you more than ever, Master Jedis," said a goofy voice from Anakin's table, and a certain amphibious Gungan from Naboo lurched over. "You saved moi again! How can I ever be thanking you?"

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stared at Jar Jar Binks as if the clumsy waterman had two heads. That was usually how most people looked at him.

"Well," suggested Obi-Wan dryly, "you could try not stepping in your own vanilla custard each time you get up from your seat at the table." He looked down at a little, yellow-white stain on his outer Jedi robe. Evidenly, Jar Jar had jumped on the table and flipped his custard bowl over with his foot.

"Oh my," said Jar Jar, "Me bad. Me not do that again!" He super jumped in the air and hit his table again, aiming for his chair. The rest of the custard made a bigger stain on Obi-Wan's robes. The youngster gave Jar Jar a withering look. Qui-Gon said to Jar Jar, "Don't do that again." Little Anakin laughed. "Jar Jar sure is a funny guy!" he said.

At that moment, while Obi-Wan cleaned himself off as best he could, the door outside opened and Captain Panaka came in with Queen Amidala and the Royal Guard. They were leading along the resurrected Battle Droids that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had just totaled. Handmaiden Padmé brought up the rear. Their blasters were drawn as a cautionary measure.

"Excuse me, Master Jinn," said Panaka, "but these Battle Droids said that they just came fresh from a one-sided battle with you and your Padawan, and they want to make amends, seeing as they can't handle a battle with the two of you anymore than they can with my queen and our security."

Obi-Wan blinked. "A truce?" he said incredulously. "Did the Viceroy put them up to this?"

"Not as far as we know, master Jedi," said the Royal Guard, "He's cowering in the corner of the parking lot right now, trying to keep a safe distance from Darth Vader and Princess Leia."

"I say that it would be wise to make this truce," said the Queen, "My people and I have faced enough war already, and I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to more war."

"These droids are only innocent pawns of the Federation, and do not appreciate their limited programming," agreed Padmé.

Qui-Gon said, "I can see the wisdom in this train of thought. Battle Droid, Security Battle Droid, Battle Droid Commander, truce." He bowed to the droids.

"Yippee! Hooray!" the Battle Droids shouted like little kids, "Roger, roger, roger, roger! We're all right now!" They danced and fired their big blasters into the ceiling, something that got Dexter striding toward the Episode I room.

When he arrived, he bellowed, "No reckless blaster shooting in my place! Either stop it now or take it outside!"

"Uh, right, sorry, Dexter," stammered the Battle Droids, "We'll just, uh, sit here at this table by 'Retake Theed Palace' and play a game of cards."

"As long as you don't fire your blasters again, that's fine by me," said Dexter sternly. He turned around and went back to his counter.

"What'll we play, boys?" asked the Battle Droid Commander.

"How about Crazy Eights?" suggested the Security Battle Droid.

"I'm game," said Battle Droid. They produced a deck of cards and began to play.

"Ooh, what lovely peace we have in here today," said Jar Jar, "Let's make some more."

"Sure, Jar Jar," said Anakin, and sat down at their table again, which was by the chapter door, "Mos Espa Podrace."

"Why don't we play a game of War?" said the Royal Guard.

"No," said Queen Amidala, "I will not play a game that is named after war. But I _will _play its variant, Peace, if you are all willing."

"All right," the royals of Naboo agreed together, and they sat at the table next to the Battle Droids and played their own card game.

"Hey, where's Droideka?" asked the Security Battle Droid, "Shouldn't he be here with us?"

"Afraid not," said the Battle Droid Commander, "He's the only member of our little LEGO fellowship Dexter will not tolerate _anywhere_ on his property."

"Aw, that stinks," said the ordinary Battle Droid.

Just then, one more droid, none other than the galactic hero, R2-D2, rolled into the chamber, whistling and beeping inanely. He bumped into TC-14.

"Oh, excuse me," said TC-14. R2-D2 warbled a response at her.

"Well, I'm _sorry_ I'm not C-3PO, little one," she said as if R2-D2 had insulted her.

"What is it, R2?" Anakin asked him. R2 beeped excitedly and rolled away from the door. Suddenly, a horn-headed man with red skin and black tattoos, dressed in black and wielding a double-bladed lightsaber, stepped into the room quietly. He sneered at Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan and said, "Come to me, _Jedi_." He didn't speak again.

"Darth Maul!" exclaimed Obi-Wan.

"We'll handle this," said Qui-Gon, standing up. "Everybody stay back."

Darth Maul brandished his lightsaber at them. They drew their own blades and stood their ground. The fight was about to begin…

And once again, Dexter came along, hammering Maul over the head with a cooking pan, taking him by surprise! Everyone stared.

"How many more times do I have to tell you people, 'No weapons inside my place?' Take it into the parking lot, or else I'm calling the Coruscant police droids on you!"

"Somehow, I don't think they would have much effect on a Sith, or a Jedi," Obi-Wan admitted.

"Maybe not," said Dexter, "but I still want some peace and quiet in my business. Is that too much to ask?"

"I agree with Dexter," said Padmé the Handmaiden, "This is a place to relax and unwind, not to tear it up like it's also in the middle of a war."

Maul got up and pushed past Dexter with the Force, running to the parking lot. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan gave chase.

"Sorry about the mess, Dexter," Qui-Gon said quickly, as he and Obi-Wan rushed outside.

Dexter watched them go. "That's _better_. Now, can the rest of you keep quiet and just enjoy the day at my place?"

"Yes, Dexter," said Queen Amidala.

"Sure think, Dex," said Anakin and Jar Jar.

"We're already having the time of our lives, chef," said the Battle Droids.

Dexter sighed a relieved sigh. _"Good,"_ he said and returned to his counter. Before leaving, he heard one of the droids say that one of his colleagues cheated on their game.

_Now that's the kind of conflict I prefer,_ he thought.


	3. Episode II: Attack of the Clones

_**Episode II: Attack of the Clones**_

* * *

In the slightly dimmer part of the diner that catered to the characters of Episode II, another menagerie of LEGO people sat or walked around the room. At one table sat several Jedi characters: Yoda, Mace Windu, Ki-Adi-Mundi, Luminara Unduli, Shaak Ti, Aayla Secura, Barriss Offee, and Kit Fisto. At another table, bounty hunter Jango Fett and his son Boba Fett were discussing the fine points of surviving in the galaxy with one of Jango's many clones, simply known as Clone. At a third table sat three close friends, or actually four, Obi-Wan Kenobi Jedi Master, Anakin Padawan, Padmé, and Padmé Clawed.

"It's always good to see you two again," said Padmé, "especially you, Anakin. You'll always be that little boy I knew growing up on Tatooine, but you've certainly grown up for a boy."

Anakin tried to look modest. "Well, of course I've grown up, Padmé," he said, "You're far more beautiful than when you were younger, and not just for a senator."

"Ooh," said Obi-Wan, "I always knew that you two were lovebirds."

"Well, of course we are, Obi-Wan," said Padmé Clawed, "It's our destiny to fall in love, remember? That's one of the things that saves the galaxy in this game."

"Uh, I'm not sure which one of you to be more attracted to," admitted Anakin sheepishly to the two Padmé's.

"Don't worry about it, Ani," said a smiling Padmé, "We're both the same person, just two different incarnations of her. You'll never lose either of us."

"Funny," said Anakin, frowning, "I don't remember it being that way in the games, or the movies."

"Anakin, this is _our_ world away from worlds," proclaimed Obi-Wan, "In Dexter's Diner, we're safe from the bad effects of the galaxy out there for a while. This Diner is like our own little Utopia, didn't you know that?"

Anakin looked at him, and then he got up and swept Padmé off her feet and kissed her romantically. Then he did the same with Padmé Clawed. They both felt the wind knocked out of them as he grabbed them and kissed him back.

Just then, another Padmé walked up to their table. Battle Padmé stepped up and asked, "Don't forget me, young one!"

"Oh, Battle Padmé," said Obi-Wan, "You belong in The Phantom Menace section of the diner!"

"Oh, yes," said Battle Padmé, "Sorry. I guess I'll just have to settle for a kiss from Ani as a little boy." She pouted slightly as she started to leave. Anakin suddenly swept her off her feet too and offered her a deep kiss.

"Whoa, thanks, Ani," she said, "You just made my day. I'll see you folks later." She then stumbled off to the Episode I room.

"You really do have a way with women, don't you, my young Padawan," said Obi-Wan dryly.

"No, not just any women," said Anakin, "Just Padmé. No woman has ever moved me like her before, except perhaps my mother, rest her soul." He squinted and clenched a fist.

"Now, now, Anakin," said Padmé, "This isn't the time to concentrate on your anger or loss. We're here to have a good day together, remember?"

Anakin shook his head for a moment and said, "Yeah, I guess so."

"Now come on," said Padmé Clawed, "Why don't we talk about the Battle of Geonosis and the Clone Wars a little?"

"Yes," said Obi-Wan, "I would like to know as soon as possible-ah, here comes the caf," he said as Dexter came and set down a cup of coffee for each of the table's occupants. Dexter then moved on to serve the other people while Anakin, Obi-Wan, Padmé and Padmé Clawed resumed their private conversation.

Jango, Boba, and Clone, meanwhile, had been eating some nuna sausage and drinking ale (and a soft drink for Boba). The Clone preferred to drink bottled water.

"Boba," said Jango to his son, "you must always be prepared for betrayal when you take the mantle of bounty hunter. Mercenaries always fight and get paid for their jobs themselves in this universe, and that means that they're always trying to cut each other's throats in order to get that pay. If you get in a situation where somebody is in a position to take your life or take your bounty, _do not_ hesitate to take that person's life first. Understand?"

"Absolutely, dad," said Boba as he chewed happily on his nuna sausage. "But what if he gets the draw on me first?"

"Then talk your way out of getting killed until you have the upper hand again," replied Jango. "Remember what I taught you about the ways a bounty hunter has to converse with others in order to stay alive as well as win his earnings?"

"Yup," said Boba.

"Are you _sure?_" Jango insisted.

"Yes, of course, dad!" replied Boba.

"Good lad," Jango said, patting his head, "I'm certain that you'll be one of the most feared and respected mercenaries in the galaxy just like me."

"Thanks, dad," said Boba.

"That's all fine and good for him," said Clone, "but what about my training? How do I serve the Republic in life and death?"

"It's as simple as heck, Clone," Jango said, "You and your brethren must obey all your orders without question, and fight with courage, loyalty, obedience, and victory in mind."

"I can do that," said Clone, "But does that mean that I even have to kill myself if ordered to do so?"

"Yes," said Jango in all seriousness, "You should. For instance, I order you to kill yourself, right now!"

"Sir, yes sir!" said the Clone, standing up, saluting and clicking his heels together while jumping in the air. Then he pulled out his blaster and shot himself. His plastoid body fell to nice, clean pieces.

The Jedi looked up from their own group. Mace and Yoda started to get up to investigate, but Dexter ran into the room first, and said loudly, "What the hell happened in here?" He saw the fallen Clone's body.

Jango said casually, "I ordered him to shoot himself, Dexter, and that's what he did."

"Well, you're lucky that we here in LEGO Star Wars always reincarnate ourselves," said Dexter through clenched teeth, "or your bounty hunting career would be over now."

"You don't scare me, Dexter," said Jango plainly.

"Me neither," said Boba.

Dexter waved them off as the newly rejuvenated Clone stepped back into the chamber and took his place at his table. "You were right, sir," he said to Jango, "My kind and I _really do_ have to obey orders without question."

"Sooner or later, talk like that is going to get you in real trouble, Clone," said Dexter. "Now, no more suicides in my place, ya hear? Not even from Clones!"

"Yes, sir!" said Clone, saluting the alien cook. Dexter decided simply to go back to his counter.

In the third group, the group of Jedi, the Masters, Knights, and Padawans, gathered around a few tables by the Jedi Battle and Gunship Cavalry doors. Yoda and Mace Windu sat at one table, Luminara, Aayla, and Barriss sat at another, and Ki-Adi-Mundi, Shaak Ti, and Kit Fisto sat at a third one.

"I can't believe we're stuck in the middle of a war, Master," said Barriss as she drank some Almakian apple juice. "This is so against the Jedi way. We could lose ourselves to the dark side!"

"Peace, Barriss," said Luminara patiently, sipping her iced tea, "We _are_ Jedi, and we do what we do because we _must_. Isn't that right, Aayla? Jedi do what must be done."

"Usually," admitted Aayla, drinking her own blue milkshake, "But not if it goes contrary to the tenets of our Order. A Jedi can't just do _anything_ they want."

"Precisely my point, Master," said Barriss, "I don't want the order to become a bunch of warmongering tyrants, and with us leading troops into battle to conquer worlds, we'll be destroying so much, killing so many, and earning so many enemies! There must be a better solution than the Clone Wars to the Separatist Crisis."

"A point, young Barriss has, Master Luminara," said Yoda from over the next table, as he ate an unspeakable meal, "As peacekeepers the Jedi were intended, not generals. In this war, a danger there is, of losing who we are."

"It concerns me as well," said Mace, who didn't seem to have an appetite, "I've seen what endless war can do to people, especially Jedi, and it is not a positive effect. Remember? It happened to my former friend, Sora Bulq, and to Master Fisto's former Padawan, Nahdar Vebb. It could happen again to anyone."

"But sometimes peace has to be brought about through war," said Ki-Adi-Mundi, who ate a Socorro slider, "I don't like it any more than any of you do, but it's the price we pay for being born into an era like this one. But I think we can get through this war just fine if we just stick together and work hard to fight the darkness with every breath."

"We already know that's not possible, Master Mundi," Shaak Ti put in as she ate a shaak and cheese sandwich, "This game world of ours has already established that the Sith win, and we're all defeated. Remember Revenge of the Sith? It's a lost cause, one way or another."

"And that's what tempts me to cry my heart out," said Barriss, "We're all going to lose, and so many people are going to suffer and die, before _and after_ the war, and there will be nothing we can do about it! What is there to hope for?"

"Now, young Barriss," said Yoda carefully, "Resist the darkness with every breath, we must, as Master Mundi said, but resist the darkness within _ourselves_, we must also, I say. For despair is of the dark side."

Barriss looked lost. "Yes, you're right, Master Yoda. But it's still frustrating."

Aayla put one arm around Barriss. "We'll get through this together, Barriss, how about that? We'll always be there for each other."

"Indeed," said Kit as he chowed down on Opee sea killer fillet, "I lost Nahdar, but I don't let it cloud my judgment. There are more important things to do than brood on the past or fear the future."

"Hold it, Master Yoda," said Mace, "Is that Count Dooku drinking tea at that table by the Count Dooku door?"

"Indeed, it is," said Yoda. "Count Dooku," he called to the being hidden in the shadows, "What is on your mind today?"

Dooku looked up. "Nothing you need to concern yourself about, Master Yoda," he said in a sinister voice. He suddenly shot dark side lightning throughout the room. Everyone recoiled, even Obi-Wan and Anakin. Then he made a run for the parking lot.

"Mr. Jettster says we cannot settle our differences _within _his diner, so let us settle them _without_, instead," he called back. A Geonosian Drone, a Super Battle Droid, and a Geonosis Battle Droid that didn't look too eager to fight covered his back as he fled.

"Stopped, he must be!" announced Yoda. "Everybody, ready your weapons! Defeated, Count Dooku must be!" He bounced off his seat and after Dooku, followed closely by Mace. The other Jedi followed suit, too, followed closely by the Clone.

"By the Force, this better not be too terrible a battle!" muttered Barriss.

"Focus on the task at hand, Barriss," said Luminara.

Soon, Obi-Wan, Anakin, and both Padmé's decided to join the battle too. "Let's not let them have all the fun," said Anakin.

"I would hardly call this fun, Anakin," said Obi-Wan.

"I'd call it 'aggressive negotiations,'" remarked Padmé Clawed.

Jango decided to follow them, as well. "I can't let them take down Tyranus so easily; those Battle Droids and Geonosians will be no match for them."

Boba watched them go and said, "Go get 'em, dad!"

Dexter walked in and said, "At least this time they finally took their violence outside first. A nice break, don't you think, Boba?"

Boba glanced at him. "I would do violence anywhere I wanted to, Dexter. Count on that." He grinned tightly.

Dexter didn't like the sound of that, but he wasn't too afraid of his diner being destroyed. He just waved goodbye to Boba and went back to his counter again, asking FLO to refill everyone's drinks for them, reasoning that they would be thirsty when they were finished with their business.


End file.
